here against a wall

forkta@aol.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 13:19:44 GMT

soo its 8 in the morning
watchin strangers with candy
just ate a huge bowl of cereal
result: bit of a tummy ache
about to head off for some second city morning madness, i love it and I miss my friends there, i never fully remember until I get there...but I do
Just found out yesterday that I am going to be teachin some 3rd graders this summer, super excited about that!
The teaching fellows program has been really intense so far, but at the same time it is exciting and I have quickly established some good friends. My small group is pretty much the program trouble-makers (can't say I've been a good influence), laughing at inappropriate times during training...we had one girl jump ship from our group, which we found hilarious. You can't take life so seriously.
still designing clothing, honestly I wish I could do it more than I have time to right now..
I think I will be able to organize and establish where everything in my life fits better once I move out..hopin between july-september
Trying to be realistic

i should probably shower

i dont know who reads this saturday morning but.

forkta@aol.com — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 12:56:59 GMT

forgot to say i have a music show today somwhere between 3-6 (probably closer to 4)
at rumble arts center 3413 W. North Ave. Chicago
I guess the whole event is people trading art and having a potluck? Not completely sure, all I know is that I have not practiced in a long time, i think it should be ok though...

forkta@aol.com — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:20:39 GMT

ok, is it still considered stealing if you knowingly watch the cashier make a mistake ringing up your pants as Free?
I'd like to throw down with, no it's not
if an employee at the store is gonna gimme some free pants during an economic depression then I ain't gonna argue
...anyway I've felt like I've had a pretty darn good weekend ever since that pants incident
maybe my whole sabbatical will be like this

my last day of work was on thursday and I got a bunch of great cards from the kids, some more personal ones that I was "not allowed to read till after" the student left, and there were a few kids refusing me to go, one suggested that I at least stay through next week, and when i said i couldn't, he suggest at least till next wednesday
its amazing how you dont realize the people you reach in life, there were some kids who I always talked to and would try to help out but never thought I was getting through because there wasn't enough of a response from these students to know, but those were the kids that lingered after the bell and then rushed me with a suprise hug and then they ran out the door

i need to get some serious organization skills before i start teaching in fall

forkta@aol.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:17:19 GMT

i officially put in my resignation for my current job
I will probably continue to do the autistic therapy for a while
beyond that I will just be on sabbath from april till june

thoughts include-
sewing a lot!
taking walks and bike rides
going on adventures, and journeys
writing, reading, painting, drawing
backpack europe? sicily? Spain? France?
take some form of a road trip, lone or with a friend
start simplifying my possessions to prepare to move to Chicago
oh, write some new songs for a new time in my life
record, maybe play a show or two
catch up with new/old friends, people i have not seen

warm weather is good
dreams while being heavily medicated are...strange

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:02:26 GMT

...uhh I was just informed that I was selected to be a Chicago Teaching Fellow
woah

forkta@aol.com — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:12:31 GMT

today is mildly crazy at work, and I love it
i wish it were more crazy
or at least higher degrees of crazy more often

sometimes i think people make things too complicated
but then again sometimes i am that person

warm weather better start creepin because im really ready for a journey walk

also I have plans to go hold baby lambs next weekend
anyone who can meet at my house and fit in my car in more than invited
im just gonna sit there and hold the lamb till it falls asleep...and then maybe I will fall asleep

spring break 09 Baby!...2.5 weeks

oh, and if you didnt know already (cuz I sure did) the shamrock shake is Back!

forkta@aol.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:03:06 GMT

I was asked to speak and do a workshop on sustainable clothing design at the university of chicago...I'm pretty excited about that
i feel like I keep getting signs that I should further invest my time and energies into creating my line, and developing it to serve in a greater way. Working at little city and the opportunity in Africa have been the biggest motivations for me to further pursue what I can do if I was to jump off the reality cliff into doing this full time.

As for now reality blows
..but I'm also just a coward

does anyone else want to go buy a cheap farm house somwhere, and have a community of us living in it who all bring different skills and gifts to the table?

I have my big 6 hour interview for the chicago fellowship this weekend...yikes

oh sabath you can't come soon enough

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:07:35 GMT

AHHHHHHH! I just found out that I passed my teacher certification test!!!! How the HECK did I doo that!?
YESSSSS!!

on that note, and in the words of bruce "i'm workin on a dreaam"

this weekend is gonna be great
God is tellin me "cool down, chill out, im working things out"
I'm so excited about the people he has surrounded me with

other than that i'm becoming a sudoku master
and i just purchased my first car

forkta@aol.com — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 15:49:31 GMT

positive people just poured into my life again
they have been in just the past year. before then it seemed like a never ending search, picking up one or two along the way
and so the journey peaks its beginning

the other day one of my friends said that he feels comfortable with the people in his life and is unsure about the need to build anymore relationships, or to bring anyone else in
I used to feel that same way
but I have been enjoying more and more the opportunity to meet new people, get to know them in depth, and finding if there is anything from my experience or life that could contribute to theirs
I'm also finally feeling excited and at great peace about the re-establishment of my independence

about two weeks till the big interview

about a month till california

hopefully 2.5 months till my sabbath

forkta@aol.com — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:44:48 GMT

today I was invited to interview for a pretty big opportunity...it might happennnn babeee

does anyone want to go on a hiking trip in Mexico with me?
sign up starts now

forkta@aol.com — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:39:55 GMT

Things have seemed to be gonig full speed lately

I am so happy to have my 5 hour teacher certification test over
my eyes were burnt after I finished, and I am critical of their choice to put math last, I don't know what happened on that section, and I fully lost my mind on the essay portion after that...i wrote like a mad woman

yesterday began my training for the individual programing of the autistic girl I'll be doing therapy with (yes this is my 3rd job now)
3 jobs is crazy, I will admitt, but I feel motivated to take claim of my full independence from my parents as well as to achieve freedom in my choices. it's a survival thing

i do love my letters from my good friend ryan stationed in south africa
we are making plans (dreaming), there are solid visions forming inside my heart and mind

I have been killing applications towards future endeavors, hopefully the right thing comes through

Despite job offers, I remain in my position and have decided to take advantage of the freedom and time that I have here. I am coming up with plans to be more productive, learning languages and the such. TCOB

There are parts of my life that feel insecure
i sorta wish I was more naive with my trust in people
I make my best efforts to develop a faith in other people, but I'm not naive to the knowledge that they could, and in most cases Will, let me down
still I know I am strong enough, in the end, to get through

a lot of new people are coming into my life
i need to re-evaluate how i define the different relationships I have with people

i need a vacation
spring break 09, i got some ideas in mind

? has anyone ever bought/used rosetta stone for languages?

forkta@aol.com — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:30:58 GMT

nombulelo:on me not coming to Swaziland this winter
"it was the right time, she just missed it... tell her to come here now now."

i want to be there, i'd like to plan for this summer because Ill have more than enough money
more than that i'd like to quit my job and go there right now
Im a coward, what fear do I have over my life

money brings me down, so does waste of any sort
so to overcome it do I try to save money, hold on to things
no maybe I should throw it to the wind
who is planning for the future anyway
there is only so much you should plan for

on crashing into things...that's just part of it, it will happen no matter how hard you try to retreat from it
i don't want to let my fear nor my parents conservative views keep me still anymore
there is no avoiding the things we will all crash into
if you do happen to be able to avoid them you must not be living that much
I'm ok with failure, it's humbling
im more than ok with not being comfortable
when did I let myself or anyone convince me otherwise
when did I allow a standard of sucess to begin leaking in?
my measurement of "sucess" is on another system then most of society

i wish i had cross country skis

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:19:58 GMT

i dunno, its a weird thing flying toward a wall and the second before you hit it you tell yourself to accept that you are probably about to have some part, if not most parts, of your body crushed
haha don't worry, that did not happen, I sat shaking and sobbing for a while till I was convinced

im too out of it to write about this again but I wrote an e-mail to my girl leslie so you can read a little part of that to get the idea...if you want to
this morning driving to work the roads were so bad because of how shitty the weather was and I was on 294 way out north toward my job and going over to exit there was a bunch of traffic backed up so I go to slow down and my breaks are locking and my car just starts skidding forward so I see myself going pretty fast toward the car in front of me and a quick decision I decide to try and dodge it be going to the left land well that was no better because the roads were so slick and covered in snow that my car just started flying over towards the wall so I try to turn my wheel and get it back straight but its still completely out of control so then i slam on my breaks as a last resort to get SOME type of control over my car, well that didnt do any better my car starts turning and skidding across 3 lanes slamming me front first into the median wall thing which bounces me back into traffic and again back against the wall at which point my car finally stops and I sit there halfway in the lane and the wall shaking and sobbing not sure if I was just paralyzed
anyway long story short I was is a horrible accident my car was totaled and im sittin ghtere of course if forgot my FREAKIN PHONE that morning and its a blizzard outside im on the highway no one is pulling over for me and i started praying God just let someone notice me and think to pull over and check on me and right after that a white pick up truck pulls over and a nice young marine comes and rescues me! He was soo nice he helped me get my car all set up and he grabbed all my bags and brought me to his car so that I would be warm and safe (of course on the way over i was sorta like ehhh please god don't let this guy kill me) of course he was just a super nice marine on his way to his reserve he called 911 and sat with me for over an hour!
-ther rest of the story is my hospital/torture experience
lets just say i do not like having my whole body immobilized...especially when I have to pee really bad, haha...theres a story there

forkta@aol.com — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:34:03 GMT

new years eve...doesn't feel like it happened, I may have been sleeping because I can't separate yesterday from my dreams, good or bad or good
I don't know what is real at the moment, I guess I'll just have to wait and see

I did actual work for my "clothing business" today and figured out somewhat under estimated approximations of what I have sold and made to date...somewhere along the last 4 years this thing has turned from something I just wanted to do ..to do it, because I love doing it, into some sort of strange business, but its all good
anyway I have approximated that as of jan 1, 2009, I have
Made: 600 pieces
the sold is also an approximation because I have sold all over the city, state, country, and a few places in the outer world
Sold:520 (these are actual sales, not pieces that I have just given away to people or lost somewhere along the way)

anyway I am psyched that it appears to be continuing and I'd like to start to think of a goal number to reach, not that it will be the end but it feeds my competitive nature
I think maybe 1000 sold would be cool...Ill have to think about the made thing

ok, happy new year and stuff

forkta@aol.com — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:53:46 GMT

my family gets really crazy at christmas it's like a greek gathering..but irish people, everyone talks so loud and over eachother. sometimes I have to remove myself to stop the ringing in my ears, but I like the madness, it keeps things exciting. Most of christmas eve was spent playing the families against one another in a serious tournament of catch phrase, you have no idea how competitive my family is...it got dangerous

i've got the travel bug again...
with the way things stand I wouldnt mind looking into long term situations
did I tell you guys part of my plan for the next few years now includes a permanent move, maybe this can all be figured together

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:55:15 GMT

SNOW DAY
my dreams have come true!
after shoveling down a bowl of trix(arn't just for kids) I took it upon myself to clean off the cars and then proceeded to shovel the entire driveway, haha I think I lost my mind
is it weird that I get highs from challenging myself with jobs that are typically given to men

I had some weird dreams, and kept going in an out, when I woke up in the morning I couldnt remember if I had dreamed that my school called me about the snow day or if it was reality

I might actually end up venturing out today, I am really eager to play in the snow I just wish I had someone interested in doing that with me
most of my day's plan consists of reading

yesterday I was arguing with my kids about why life is Not over after age 21
the only things I really came up with were that 1. you grow wiser and 2. being able to rent cars in other countries

OH as some of you, actually only a few of you, know about the one staff member that I've had a crush on all semester. Anyway everytime I run into (and this is sometimes a literal RUN-in, very embarassing) I get all flustered and pretty much book it, but yesterday for the first time we held a pretty solid Conversation. Mostly we joked about my overly toasted sandwich (it was burnt), but still it was a very big step for me. I doubt anything will happen...

I don't know how many months I've been addicted to vanilla soy chai lattes, still goin strong!

forkta@aol.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:17:37 GMT

there is something calming about having the sounds of a vinyl echoing in this room

one good thing about working at a school is that there is high potential for a snow day this Friday, the kids and I were discussing it today and we all have our fingers crossed

new opportunities on the horizon mean I can finally take the next step in this slow process of this journey I'm on

i am most likely going to be doing second city improv starting in janurary, my friend george gave me the final push

really weird multiple run-ins with my first real boyfriend (7th grade), boy where were you when I had a crush on you for most of my highschool career, I'm not too interested anymore
...I'm not too interested in anyone
I get randomly hit on or checked out at the gym or by rappers at hip hop shows or by staff at my school (that is probably the most creepy because I am pretty sure they all think I am a student)...speaking of I am still trying to convince half the staff that I am not a student and that I should not get in trouble

i wish he saw the world the way I did
all the moments we're losing

(the most beautiful song is playing right now)

I feel like a lot of friendships have been breaking up, things feel disconnected. I can't decide if its something I am doing, bad communication, or the depressing effects of things being temporarily frozen over
maybe things will just have to wait to thaw out with the changing seasons
...it could be a long winter

I have been writing again

OH MY BROWNIES!!!!ahh
byE!

forkta@aol.com — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 04:36:02 GMT

snow world=book world, and I can't get out
500 pages in two nights is not a good outlook for the long winter ahead, i need to pace myself
wearing a winter hat at all times, and somtimes a winter coat, leads to flat static hair and an unwillingness to care about what I'm wearing when I go out in public
200 pages and then Im gonna spend the rest of the weekend sewing to distract myself before I open book 2 of my dreamy-head zone out
...I think my dog is depressed

mi casa

forkta@aol.com — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:26:16 GMT

life as i know it
i dug these up, all those years he collected, these are precious to me
just the half of it

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 14:52:11 GMT

boy am I glad the new year is close

forkta@aol.com — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 03:58:08 GMT

remember
when i was a little girl I thought the king kong ride and universal studios was reality...it freaked me out

when you're good and done you are free to leave, things feel good and done

i work a lot lately (like stayin in tonight to sew), i have things to reach for, i have things to escape

hair cut..yea

pass away, new song, new day

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 03:15:09 GMT

things are flippin and floppin
work is fine, but something new might be on the horizon
for the most part the kids like me, and I have been learning a lot
I am still a pretty big push over, but I'm just too laid back and not serious enough to have much discipline...the kids have been asking me "what were you like in high school" they think I am a hippy and some of the suspected kids are convinced I smoke pot
...not true kids

3rd clothing store opening party in less than a month

I am a much better bible study leader than I would have thunk

I think I'm gonna start a new music project

and when will this dude quit?! seriously...it's so ridiculous how long he has been tryin that Im starting to be a little impressed...yikes!

...dreams are weird

ps: Im gonna pray about the house tonight, it's too good to not happen

pss: things at home...i used to have a friend that I could have talked to

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:25:24 GMT

uhhhhhhhhhhhh

grad school, I may be moving away
there is a program I want to get into that only takes 5 people and only 1 out of state and it is fully funded
I won't go big unless the price is right (...FREE)
I could just as easily stay here and work my ass off to get the experience I would be getting if I got into this program...I don't want to say much more than that

work is work, i'm glad to be working towards a destination though
tomorrow is doughnut day!! it's sorta like pretzel day on the office...it's the highlight of my week

God is consuming my life, literally, i mean we are married now
I am super excited about the mass chaos of our church and my family's homeless ministry, we are turnin tables
great crazy events are about to take place

I am excited to be part of a dude crew documentary, I will hopefully be doing the shooting or at least some of it, but mostly I am on the conceptual production side of things...we got professionals on the team, sooo it's sorta intimidating

been really distant lately, but friends are helping

"or you will push the ones that you love out of your life"

forkta@aol.com — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:38:18 GMT

i don't know why I held out hope
I knew you would forget
if you hadn't broken me down so much I might actually believe that I deserve better

thank you to all the genuine friends who surround me, i need you guys more than you know
I thank God for all of you everyday

forkta@aol.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:21:36 GMT

went to wisconsin last weekend, some beautiful things happened there...
and can I just say that i love madison wisconsin, I could see moving there one day...or really soon

I am already looking at grad school, crazy
I have things pretty narrowed down

work is ok, the highlight of my day is working with the 2 aspergers kids that I get
I am almost possitive that I am going to focus on working with Autistic youth in the future and it will play a big role in my college major decision and focus

youth group started, so I lead that...I am having trouble making friends with the female leaders...I think it is a thing with girls who grow up with only brothers
I have be-friended only the most outsider of kids in the group
they are pretty amazing

I think I am finally going to embrace my spanish/mexican blood and take some language classes

I have been pretty successful in only using my car for work and my bike for everything else

guess that's about it
one last thing: i have a project I want to work on, so is anyone willing to wrap me in duck tape?, just puttin it out there